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Clank, clank!
I kept hearing the sound like a pot full of soup being hit by wooden spoon. Boiling with the soup's spilling on the side, the sound was still audible, but slightly weaker: the sound made when the pot was in high temperature and made the lid of the pot trembled by the heat.

Clank! Clank!
I put my hands on my head, trying to make it stop. But I couldn't.

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I remembered one time after school, I was waiting for my mom to pick me up. Along with my brother, we walked away from the big roads, so that our mom could pick us easily without getting caught up by the traffic. While we were walking, I looked at my brother, walking in front of me. We weren't bound by blood, we didn't grew up together, so silence and distance were the only languages we were most fluent in, if not the most natural, when we were together.

We finally got there and we waited by a big 2-story house. It looked like it was uninhabited and that's why we went there waiting for our mom. The school and the house weren't that far, but sure today was warmer than usual, and our mom hadn't come after more than half an hour waiting.

Bored, I softly swung the chain that fenced off the house yard. Clank, clank, clank! I watched the links of the chain clashed into another and uncommonly became more interested in it. As 'softly' now gradually turned into 'brutally', my brother yelled at me. Though I wasn't very acquainted even with the meaning of the word, I totally forgot that ‘malice’ was also something that my brother almost natively understand.

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He admitted that he did harm himself. Tried not to panic, judgmental, or ignorant, I asked him what he did to himself. Frankly enough, though he hadn't answered it yet, I started to imagine the sharp blade pierced through the skin, only that it was not him who did it, but me.

Did you cut yourself? I asked again. I hit myself, he replied. Like, slapping? I asked, tried not to sound funny. He shook his head. Having this hefty body, I have to make it a good use to its potential, he said, half jokingly. I forgot that he started exercising and building his body recently. He needed to channel his mind somewhere else, but I guessed, now that he was here talking to me and admitting he did bad stuff to himself, it wasn't working well.

He stopped and had a long pause, while looking at his hand that now clenched tightly, as if he was trying to keep something inside from running away from his hand. A bit later, he started talking again. I hit myself in the head as hard as I could. And if it's not hard enough, I'd bang my head to the wall. You know what it sounded like? He asked, I replied no, quite surprised that I said it with a cracked voice. I looked at him and saw that hollow eyes stared at nowhere. He moved his hand to his head, pretending to hit his head with it. Clank! Clank! Clank! He whispered. Did it hurt, I asked, as it was the most fitting question to ask. Having his eyes now looking at me, still as hollow, he replied: no, I felt nothing.

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I already took the second pill of medicine for my headache, and it wasn't even near the lunch time. The pain in my head was just unbearable that I felt like crying. Knowing that it would make a scene in such inappropriate place, I went downstairs, away from the crowd. I reached the knob of the restroom door and went inside, put down the toilet lid and sat on it. I massaged my temple and my scalp to further find myself crying even harder. It made my breath become unstable, and I tried so hard to keep it down. But instead of making me calmer, my head getting even more painful.

I hit my head softly, hoping that it would soothe the pain a bit. I felt nothing but frustration, the next thing I knew, I was already looking down, and banged my head in the restroom wall. Clank, clank... I held myself from wailing too loud. It definitely was not a good idea, but I was left with no choice.

Stop... stop... I whispered, holding my head ever so tightly as if I held it down firm enough, it would stop itself to explode. But the sound in my head was getting louder, as the throb in my head also became even deeper. Clank! Clank! CLANK!

Stop... Please make it stop... I wailed and begged, though I didn't even know whom I begged this to. All I needed was to make my head stop pounding... CLANK! CLANK! ...or to make my hands, which now clenched as if I was trying to keep something inside from running away from my hands, stop pounding themselves into my head... CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!

Please... My jaws quivered, clashing itself to each other, and it bothered me. I clamped my jaws together but it definitely wasn't the cure for your thudding head. CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! 
CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! 
CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! 
CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!
CLANK! CLANK! 
CLANK! 

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I wished I could just stop it all and feel nothing.